"Can you smash those walls?", He peered at her uneven eyes as she involved herself in a video game. Seemingly, the answer was immediate. Carefully brushing her thumb across the screen's control pad, she moved the character closer to the wall. With one smooth stroke the character struck down the wall. A single hit was all it took. "Does that answer your question?", she teased. Sighing he said," Yes, yes it does." - Oh how I wish it was that easy.
Loving someone who has walls is not a simple decision. It's an honorable thing to do. It would be dangerous too as this is an act to take the first move against the concrete that they wrap around themselves. It feels as though they are ready to shut people out at their will, prepared to cloak themselves away and to block and build barriers against feelings. Even the smallest hints of assurances are all locked away even if those very clues are screaming for freedom.
In spite of it all - the warnings presented, the cautions, the ever repeating reminder to guard your heart - you just might fall for them. Could it be, that in some miraculous way, they might fall for you too? Maybe, just maybe. There will be very little assurance but do not let that dishearten you.
For them, those who have these walls, loving is a large old room: messy, mysterious and fastidiously dangerous. It is a place where they've once been hurt. There is a reason why the doors of this room were closed and are supposed to be closed and are suppose to remain closed. This the the very room which required them to build walls in the first place. However, as old rooms go, this comes with the promise of having something that is new, stable and fulfilling.
They won't promise you anything, they will always keep something back either; For promises can be broken as easily as they were spoken. There won't be any magical switch to flip just to make those walls disappear, will there? Walls are stubborn sort of architecture, they don't go down as easily as we thought they would. These structures put up a good fight, one that will most likely consume all efforts and dash dreams in an instant.
Many times you'll wonder and pray if being braver than they are is going to help. On whether to muster courage to make the first move or not, to stay a little longer or leave, to be all ears to every concern or be blatant about not caring, it always is unpredictable. Surprisingly, they would be very endearing at times. They will really long but still not be needy - the kind which will always keep you guessing.
The past will continue to haunt them. They will try to hide it and succeed. Slowly, and inevitably, that sharp bite of reality will lose its sting yet they will still remain distant and stubborn at most. We just hope that a little patience will go very very far.
Stripping it all of its profoundness and complexities, if a person with walls decided they love you, they will truly mean it. You will realize that it is not a half-hearted effort to win you rather a committed, faithful and continuos attempt. That those very walls is the price to pay for someone else's mistake and even if it takes a lot, the rewards of those who struggled and waited more will be greater than anyone before. Many times it will feel like it is a one-sided losing battle. Like it is only those who have no walls who fight. It is clear though, and we must remember, that just because we can't see something means that it doesn't exist. It may even be that their battle is greater than ours.
We hope and pray that we keep our eyes and hearts open so that we'll know a good thing when we see one. This person with walls, who seems unbreakable, just might be the best thing that ever happened to me. When all the heartaches come back and the sadness slowly seeps through, we just try to remember what we're fighting for. Remember that behind the surface of doubt and distance is a person with a heart that could have been molded just for you. Loving someone with walls is never easy, it wasn't and will never be; but sometimes, if you’re lucky, the struggles would all be worth it.
