It was around
3 o'clock in the afternoon. The windward face of the trees swayed softly,
branches rustling ever so slow. Leaves broke off from their tiny stems, fell
softly and slid off the glass gently. The sun peeked amidst the clouds making
the sky bright yet cool enough for a walk. I smiled facing the window and
seeing this outside. "The day is about to end well.” I whispered to myself
but with a total lack of sound. I sat next to the large window pondering on
what few hours of the day has left in store for me.
"I think
I should have a sweet later."
I hungered at
the thought. Maybe I should have two. Two it is then, just to make sure the
sugar takes effect.
The professor
entered the room to check on the performed experiment, turns out I did everything
right after all. I nodded to the professor who just handed me over my approved
report. This will be indeed a fine day. My phone suddenly displayed that
envelope icon, peacefully prompting me of a message. I wondered who it's from.
I opened it and it read, "Where are you?” I smiled, remembering what made
this day worth looking forward to.
I rushed
downstairs. Muscles tensioned at the sudden effort but it was well worth it.
She was seated on the black bench, partially hidden by the small post. She was
waiting for me. She was waiting for me....
I silently
approached her, calming myself from the sudden effort of rushing. I sat by her
side not knowing why I said yes yesterday to walking her to her ride. She
turned and looked at my eyes, and she jokingly said,” What took you so long?”
She smiled kindly, not expecting a reply. There was something in her smile that
mesmerizes me, or was it just me still craving for a sugary delight? Getting
past that thought, I guided her gently as we crossed the street.
The walls of
Intramuros seemed to have embraced the both of us as we walked towards the arc.
It was a good afternoon after all. Well, not good, but better. Few words were
spoken, because only few words were needed. Her presence was calming, soothing
to say the least. She stole glances from time to time, and I stole a couple
back. We both smiled and wondered. We were walking, but my heart thumped like I
was in a race. That exhilarating feeling that surrounds me when she's there at
my side. I took a deep long stare at her eyes. Losing myself and track of time,
I wanted to pause that moment. But no, it is impossible as time behaves, so I
kept a memory of it instead.
Soon we
parted ways, but before we did I asked, “‘til next time?" She just smiled
as she usually does, and waved me goodbye. I'll never get tired of that smile.
But what I did not realize is
that we parted ways, parted in ways I did not expect.
That day I
told her.
Told her that
I fell for her.
After all our
late night talks and calm afternoon walks, that day I found the courage to tell
her. I thought there was something. Something more than a spark. I thought
wrong, everything was wrong after all.
Everything
after that was a spiral down to heart brokenness.
Words weren't
spoken because they aren't enough. I was cut off, lost as I always was. I guess
that's the hard part: not knowing what went wrong, nor knowing what to do,
neither did I even have the chance to say goodbye. The fragility of feelings
haunts me now. Had I taken her for granted? Perhaps, in some ways I fully
regret, I did.
That day I
told myself.
Told myself I
should've listened instead of telling.
Maybe that
was my big mistake. Falling for her isn't; it was letting emotions make a slave
out of me. I now wish my heart were just a circuit. I hope to unplug all the
doubts, rewire the happiness, add resistance to the pain and jumpstart my life.
Too late for that now, too late. I lost her already. Maybe it was God's way of
reminding me; reminding me that even amidst my life's flurry of numbers, logic
and functions I still am a person. A person, as fragile as I might be, with
feelings and much uncertainty. Though I
am almost through college, I am reminded: I still have much to learn. Still
I'll be waiting, waiting for that next time to come. For when that day will
come, if it even comes, I could not say.
All I know
now that again it's around 3 o'clock in the afternoon, the trees stand sullenly
still, branches remain glooming and undisturbed. The leaves, stiff as they
weren't before, cling for what little life remains. The walls of Intramuros now
loom over me oblivious to the fact that I am alone now. The sun hides behind
the clouds making the sky dim but still cool enough for a walk.
I frown at
the view outside the window. "This day isn't going to end well", I
sighed. Still sitting next to the large window, I wonder what the day still has
in store for me. I look at my phone and see an empty screen. I sigh sadly,
remembering what made this day not worth looking forward to.
I'll be
having that sweet now. Two it is then, just to make sure the sugar takes the
bitterness away.
