Words were written because of a dare: to write something meaningful in an hour's time while on the bus.
And so here it goes...
She
must be treading between the fine line of control and chaos. It did cross my
mind. I was there, or should I say, am there. "Follow your heart", I
suddenly clacked at the keyboard. Knowing those words won't suffice and because
a few more words are necessary, I added, "but take your mind with
you".
That's
how it always begins. Feelings. The tireless fleetings of the heart. They are
always there. A thought that nags. A concern that bothers. An idea we simply
perceive but cannot contain. We always try to see what we cannot, don't we?
It's just rational of us to make logical assumptions, place very high
expectations, and set goals undefinable. That's how we are, logical beings. To
put everything in percentages is a little something which arouses curiosity. I
tend to do that to see how I feel at the moment, and I just told you to.
It
feels good, doesn't it? To simply see what we can't, be it in a very vague
manner.
The
window to my left holds the evening view of the whole boulevard. The
rugged roads, the soft sprinkle of the rain still clinging on skyscraper edges,
the dim lighted alleyways, the rough surface of sidewalks with people still
holding on to their umbrellas as if it were an emotion, vehicles' lights
streaming past by. I paused. Turning to my right, sullen faces of strangers
behold.
Tired.
Weary. In need of rest. Seeking refuge.
Wanting
home.
I see
faces, I see feelings. Silence seems to surround me now, "Hush now" I
told myself, "don't break the absence of sound". This travel to
Cavite I must have done at least a hundred times over if not a thousand. Yes, I
have heard this silence before. And it is a little heartbreaking to reminisce.
What are you doing right now? I wondered. Are you still 50% controlling your
feelings?
Peeking
over those sullen faces now, what I see is a dark sea. Both literally and
figuratively. Literally because the sea to my right has no sun to shine on it
now, none to light it's majesty. Does it mean it is less majestic? No.
Figuratively because behind masks we wear, we are what we are: no light and
vulnerable.
To
emotions. To an instinctive state of mind. To feelings.
We
choose to not get hurt though, so we wrap our hearts with hobbies and
pleasures. In that we become invincible and move on, but that doesn't mean we
stopped caring. We just have to accept...
That
sometimes we tend to be in despair, when the person we love leaves us. But the
truth is it's not our loss, it's theirs. Because they have given up on the
person, who wouldn't give up on them.
So do
control, and stay in control. Better shun emotion, than let it make you its
slave.
*steps down the bus
